Veterans Day Thoughts 2021

A few weeks ago I was asked if I knew anyone who could help drive a veteran and his wife to the beach one last time as they have made the decision to begin hospice care.  I got the preliminary details including a timeline of departure in 2 days and that he was an Army officer and Green Beret.  I already knew I would try to see if I could fit into my schedule to help, but then they said he was a graduate of West Point which tugged at my heart strings.  And then, they said his name. 

Darren.

Major Darren Baldwin endured multiple IEDs (improvised explosive device) in a short amount of time during one of his deployments to Iraq in 2006.  (Yes, one of his deployments, as he had 3). 

At that time the medical community was still in its infancy understanding TBIs (traumatic brain injury) from IEDs and his health began to suffer.  But, that’s not what I want to focus on.  I don’t want to talk about his injury, I want to talk about his life that I got to be a part of for a brief four days.

Bianca is Darren’s wife and has been his caretaker for 16 years.  She also has never met me or heard of me, and I literally showed up on her doorstep in Fayetteville to say, “Hi, I’m Sarah and I’ll be spending the next 4 days with you.”

She was so warm, welcoming, and honestly pretty funny, ushering me into her home.  After we puzzle pieced all the medical equipment and luggage into their vehicle, and I accidentally drove over two gas station curbs as I quickly learned how to maneuver the large tank they call an handicap accessible SUV, we were on our way to Carolina Beach.

Driving was easy, being there to provide support while watching a couple say goodbye was more difficult.  At this point Darren is in a wheelchair and mostly unable to move from the neck down.  He communicates with his incredibly expressive eyes and eyebrows.  And he communicates his love for his wife, constantly.  It was nothing short of astonishing to watch the way Bianca and Darren interacted.  He looks at her like there’s no one else in the room or the world.  She anticipates his physical needs and his mental and emotional ones as well.  Over four days with them, I never heard her complain about any of what she endures, the only time I heard her even question was if anything wasn’t quite right for Darren or when she wanted to make sure multiple times if my room was alright! 

To be in a love like Bianca and Darren’s is what life is all about.

I was privileged to witness it.

Through the Green Beret Foundation and the 98’ Fund (Darren’s fellow West Point Graduates), they paid for the trip and for a professional photographer to snap the couple on the beach.  Bianca and her friend who is a nursing assistant, Monique, were so busy taking care of Darren, Bianca barely had time to get ready.  I ran to CVS and bought her a nail kit, and while she filed her nails I offered to dry her hair for her.  Monique had positioned Darren to be able to watch Bianca get ready, and when I left the bathroom to get something from the other room I realized Darren could only see one particular part of his wife as she was leaning into the mirror.  I joked to Darren, you must be a butt man, and his eyes lit up and he laughed. (Full disclosure, those weren’t the exact words I used).  It was the best sound in the world to hear his quiet muffled laugh at something I said.

I knew I could be helpful with the physical tasks like driving, getting milk for coffee, or pushing his beach wheelchair through the sand, but what I didn’t anticipate was the contentment I experienced from being able to support Bianca.  With drying her hair, picking up Wake and Bake donuts we talked about on the way down, or just laughing until we cried about ridiculous military life topics while out to dinner with her, Darren, Monique, and her friend Karin, I felt useful. 

I didn’t tell Bianca or anyone during the weekend about my Daren.  The weekend was about supporting her and her love’s weekend at the beach.  And I honestly hesitated for weeks over writing this post about it, but I ultimately think it’s important for all Americans to not just thank veterans and their families but truly witness and absorb the weight of what has been asked of our military families and what they have endured.  I hope it serves as a call to action to literally call a veteran or military spouse you know who you have not checked in with for a while to see how they are doing.

When I found out the West Point graduate, Army Officer, named 1 LT Daren Hidalgo that I had become close with during my time in Afghanistan was killed in action by an IED, I relied on my support network.  The ones that immediately come to mind even nearly 11 years later are my roommates/coworkers/desert family all immediately rising from bed at 0300 to cry with me in the bathroom and the next morning one of them climbing into my bed and just holding me without saying a word.  A professor of mine sent me a card where she wrote about the amount of grief I felt showed the amount of love I felt.  The kids I nannied sent me a pic of them hugging as a virtual hug to me.  My friends from home sent countless emails to keep in touch.  My sister ran a marathon with me in his memory.

Support can be scary to give.  We don’t to say the wrong thing. (And there are some definite phrases you should steer clear of…anything involving this is part of a "plan" is a nonstarter in my book).  We don’t want our offer to be more of an inconvenience for them than a help.  And we don’t want to put the burden on the person we’re trying to support to “just let us know if they need anything.”  I read an article recently where a woman sent her friend who was going through a tough time a multiple choice list of pick one or all of them with how you would like me to support you.  Brilliant!  

We are often unsure of what to do to support.

But we should try. 

Being there for someone can be the greatest gift you can give them.

In honor of Darren and Bianca and their love, please reach out to someone today who you know might be having a tough time of it and be there for them.

 

Auf Wiedersehen Deutschland

When I left for Germany 3.5 years ago multiple people told me I would meet the love of my life there.  

SPOILER ALERT: Didn’t happen. 

But, I did fall deeper in love with my life.  

These past three years have reminded me how many things I haven’t seen or done, and how much more there is to discover!  I’ve done so many delightfully unexpected things: start and finish grad school, learn to swim and drive a manual, take a road trip from Germany through Austria, Slovenia, and Croatia, and another through Austria, Italy and Switzerland, travel to 12 new countries including Russia and Israel, and visit 10 countries a year for 3 years!  I have also learned how to be a MUCH better leader and teammate.

These 2 pictures were taken 9 years and 2 different continents apart, but both capture the same thing: an ambitious single woman cleaning up a USO center after another day of doing what she can to make our troops lives a little easier and loving *almost* every minute of it.

Through my time in Afghanistan I found a desert family that are still my rock to this day.  Randy, Erin, Blair and Megan never stop helping and loving and supporting and visiting me and each other.  It was a love like I had never known and a bond deeper than I could imagine through shared incredible joys and unimaginable pains.

In Germany I experienced a different kind of love -  the kind that cares for a stranger as you would your best friend.  I had never lived in a military community before.  I didn’t know what it was like to have people you don’t know want to help you and care for you.  I felt like my hometown priest with how many invites I received to people’s houses for Christmas this year!  My heart swells with indescribable pride when someone I don’t know says, “oh yeah you’re the USO girl.”  (Although of course I would prefer they say USO woman or person or bossbitch). 

I shared with my volunteers in an email this morning that I felt love:

When I got heat stroke at Sun and Fun and I was surrounded by staff, volunteers, and strangers giving me bags of ice and making sure I was okay.  When I was busy at work and forget to pick up my car from the autocare center before they closed and my house keys were on my car key ring, multiple people offered to let me stay at their place.  When the electricity went out base-wide on Thanksgiving eve when I was about to cook 30 turkeys, volunteers and staff spitballed ideas and then stayed late into the night to help me cook the turkeys once it came back on.  

While to others this list may sound like awful debacles to me they are cherished memories where I felt like my family wasn't an ocean away, but right here.

I have grown so much in the past three years.  I moved and lived in Europe all by my grown ass self!  I can’t get over that.  I accomplished what I dreamed of when I was sitting in my parents' living room unemployed bingeing House Hunters International.  There have been MAJOR hiccups along the way, but I did it.  Thank you to every single teammate, friend, volunteer, garrison contact, community member, neighbor, and stranger who has helped me make my dreams come true.

New change, can’t wait!

Recipe for Creating a Christmas Movie

Step 1. Take an attractive female who is too busy with:
A. Starting a business 
B. Trying to become partner
C. Being rich or royal
D. Being a single mom 
E. All of the above

Step 2. Have her meet an attractive man who is an asshole.  He is an asshole because:
A. His ex-wife cheated on him
B. His parents died too young
C. The “big city” was too rough on him
D. He’s a ghost
E. All of the above

Step 3. Have them meet. She will be busy being busy, and he will do something that infuriates her like:
A. Take the last scone at the coffee shop
B. Literally run into her and send her personal items flying
C. Get in her way to the taxi/airplane/train

Step 4. This will all take place in a town called:
A. Snow Fall
B. Angels Landing
C. Goose Creek
D. White People's Small Mountain Town

Step 5. Reveal that they will be forced to spend time together because DUN DUN DUN:
A. They are both working on the same big project for the town
B. They have to compete for a promotion
C. For a list of completely logic-less reasons they have to pretend to date

Step 6. Sprinkle in the wise old man character.  He or she will have known all along that the couple was meant to be together, but because they are old and lack entertainment in Small Mountain Town they will not tell anyone until the end and let the couple waste the entire movie trying to figure it out.  He or she is:
A. Santa
B. An angel
C. The town’s baker/pastor/diner owner/florist

Step 7. Throw in a best friend.  She will be:
A. Super self absorbed
B. Constantly clumsy
C. Too busy with multiple young children
D. A blissfully married Christian woman 

Step 8. Spice it up with some chemistry.  The main characters will show their growing affection by:

A. Good Christian Values Version: hard core eye contact and maybe a hand hold before the wedding 
B. Run of the Mill Hallmark Edition: a few short closed mouth kisses with a passionate embrace
C. Super Steamy Netflix PG Rating: some making out and a character alluding to sleeping over although all parties must remain fully clothed at all times and there is never a scene with a bed involved

Step 9. The Climax.  There will be a GIGANTIC misunderstanding between the main characters because he or she had to lie throughout the entire movie to hide that:
A. He or she did it
B. He or she didn’t do it
C. Someone thought he or she did it, but they really misheard and he or she didn’t
D. He or she had to trick everyone into thinking he or she did it to prove who really did it
E. He or she came here to Small Mountain Town to do it, but then had a change of heart and couldn’t do it

Step 10. The Happy Ending. Our destined couple will sort out the mess and confess their love because of:
A. An adorable small child
B. A randomly specific town Christmas tradition
C. A Christmas antique with magical powers
D. Wise old person (see Step 6)

Step 11. Epilogue.  Right before the credits play there will be a 30 second happy montage of the couple:
A. Toasting to New Years
B. Returning to the town with a new baby to take part in randomly specific Christmas tradition
C. Celebrating Christmas a year later in front a fire with old magical Christmas antique 

Lessons Learned in a Year Abroad

Just like my tattoo I got a year ago, I'm a lil worse for wear.  This experience has been difficult, but I'm still here.

Change is lawlessness.  I like laws.

I think that's why I love grammar so much.  There are rules, and I memorized them.

Study hard, you'll make good grades.  Be nice, and people will like you.  Move to a foreign country to work for the USO, and you'll love it and make best friends for life.

That last one tripped me up.  Germany is so utterly completely different than my experience in Afghanistan.  I thought I would instantly make friends, be a good boss, love my job and learn it quickly.  I have failed at each and every single one of those.

So, what have I learned after 1 year of leaving everyone I love, and a job that I excelled at, to plunge into a foreign country with no friends, and misplaced confidence in a new job?

1. Say yes.

It took me months, and months, and months to start saying "yes" to invitations.  I once had a boyfriend tell me he thought I was "really weird" when he first met me.  I have at least 2 other friends who have told me about how much they disliked me when they first met me.  I'm not great at first impressions.  Third impressions is when I really start to wow 'em.

Anyway, I didn't say yes to invitations.  Going with a buffer friend is easy, going by yourself with people you barely know somewhere is a little scary.

Go to the bouldering gym with acquaintances?  Say yes.  Fly to another part of Germany to see a band I have never heard of?  Say yes.  Put on a Facebook group that I'll be at a beer garden, and I'd really like to not go alone so would some other ladies come out?  Say yes.

Having the courage to say yes has opened me up to some beautiful new friendships.

2. There's a balance between boss, bitch, and best friend.

Many years ago I was sent to a center to help them during a staff transition.  The volunteers had been through a lot, so I wanted to be my bright, optimistic, open self.  They used my openness against me.  They went as far as to write a "review" to my superiors saying that I was inexperienced, young, naive, etc.

Moving to Germany for this position I knew I'd be supervising 4 people.  I will keep them at arm's length.  I will not open up.  They will use it against me.  People hate change.  It's instinctual.  If I want them to respect me, I need to be a strong leader.

Well, that backfired too.  Over whispers that weren't so quiet, I heard some of the most hurtful words I've ever heard said about me...that I didn't care, that I was just here for me to further my career, that I wasn't helpful to anyone, that I didn't understand military families.

It was awful.  I just wanted to go home and be with my friends who know me and love me.  Then I realized I hadn't given them a chance to know me.  By not opening up, all they were seeing was a new boss who made decisions, not a teammate who is trying to make the best choices for the military that she cares so deeply about.

There's a balance between bitch and best friend while you're being a boss.  As a woman it's insanely difficult to find the correct balance for yourself, and for your employees.  For me the answer was in being sincere to myself.  I'm a story-teller.  Sharing what I wanted to, and not divulging what I didn't want to, has worked for me.

3. More hugs and "love yous"

I can handle living alone.  I can spend an entire weekend reading a book, watching Netflix, and just being by myself.  But I can not handle not having a hug.  It just puts all the pieces back together sometimes.  I had a friend this summer who hugged me; I didn't let go immediately, so he didn't either.  It was absolute bliss that he just hugged me for as long as I needed it.

I say "love you" to my friends on the phone before we hang up.  I'm not sure when exactly it started, but it's important to me.  They're the longest relationships of my life other than my family.  I've known some of my friends for 27 years, and others I've lain in a ditch with during a rocket attack.  They mean so much to me, why would I not say, "love you, bye!"  I don't know why I didn't start this sooner.  It feels good.

4. You only fail when you stop trying.

Okay, so this one I can't take credit for.  I found it on Pinterest.  I have made many mistakes in this new position according to all the rules and regulations.  Any time the phone rang at work I cringed.  It was going to be something else I didn't do up to standard.  But I kept trying.  And I just tried to not make the same mistake twice.  So at least now when I mess up, it's in spectacularly new ways.

Shame is strong, and pride is powerful.

But persistence is a fantastic beast that teaches the fingers to tie shoes, the head to memorize multiplication tables, and the heart to keep trying even after its hurt.

(Those last two lines were all me...inspired by some Brene Brown.  She's amazing.)

5. I still love it.

A young private came into the center the other day, and I welcomed him, "Hi William!  How was your weekend, do anything fun?"  As he walked in to get a soda he told me he didn't go anywhere, but he had a good time.  He came back out a few minutes later, and he told me sincerely, "You know when you say hi to me it really means a lot.  Thank you."

I'm tearing up just thinking about it.  He's a 19 year-old soldier in a new unit in a new country, and because I learned his first name, he's happier than he was.  And he didn't know it, but by sharing that with me he made my day a thousand times better.  I was ready to give more and help more and do more because of what he said.

Literally, an agenda topic at our staff meeting last week was how to make our military and their family members happier.  Everything from learning our regulars' first names to making stronger coffee was discussed.  My job is to make other people's lives a little more fun and a little more joyful.  How could I not love that?

On this Valentine's Day...

I want to share a post about love.  Love between a husband and wife.  Love between two best friends.  And love that created an adorable curly haired baby who was born on Valentine's Day and became my best friend!

I was honored to be Hinerman's Maid of Honor for her wedding in fall of 2016.  I wrote this speech to honor the amazing human she is.  On this day of her birth, and traditionally a day to celebrate love, I want to share it with you.

2001-ish walking back from gym class in high school

Thank you to everyone who had a part in this day: the bridal party, the parents, the Oglebay staff, the family, and the friends.

We're all here because we love these crazy kids.  Katherine Fluty Hinerman Klug is a friend to many, a wife to one, and a roommate to a select few.  

If you have ever lived with Hinerman, please stand up.

(Carri, Steph, Christina, Wizba, Hinerman's parents, Hinerman's brother, and myself all stand).

2003-ish enjoying a virgin daiquiri at Oglebay 

If you enjoyed it and would voluntarily do it again, please stay standing.

(EVERY ONE SITS.)

Well this is awkward.  Good luck, Jon.

See the thing is, when we were roommates Hinerman tried to kill me...TWICE.

We call it the "String Cheese Incident" of 2008.  You see I moved out in July, and then months later in October when I visited I ate one of Hinerman's string cheeses.  I was then corrected, "you mean you ate one of YOUR string cheeses."  They had expired in June.

2006 WVU-Marshall Football Game

Then there's the "Bazooka Joe Incident."  Ferg bore witness to this one.  Hinerman has the God-given ability to make any house a home.  In college she did this with a 6-foot tall inflatable cactus with sunglasses, blue ornaments, and beads named Sanchez.  May he rest in peace.  When we roomed together she did this with seasonal pillows and decorations like pillar candles and live pine on the mantel for Christmas.  Upon giving a tour of our beautifully decorated apartment to Ferg, the pine caught on fire, and the mantel went up in flames!  I saved the day by blowing it out while Ferg and Hinerman ran for pots of water.  Thus earning my nickname of Bazooka Joe.  I like this story, because I get to be the hero in it.

But when she's not creating fires, she would literally walk through them for us.

She's simply the best.

She's generous with her time and love and makes you feel like a snowflake.  She gets that from her Momma, Wendall.

She has an undying quiet, "always be there at your best" and more importantly, at your worst, no matter what you've done, that she gets from her papa, Scoot.

2014 Hinerman's brother's wedding

She also has a biting wit that can burn you as badly as it makes you laugh that she shares with her brother, Wilma.

She has a pride in the people and places that have made her the incredible human being she is today.  She wants the best for every single one of us in this room.  She'll work tirelessly to get that for us.  By being on committees, and thinking of ideas on a Sunday night, and volunteering her time.  She gets that from her Grandmother Fluty.

Jon, I know that you know all of this already.  I know you love her fiercely.  Anyone who has the patience to teach her the difference between Mozart and Mount Olivet at the age of 31 when she's spent no less than 31 years living in Wheeling, deserves a medal.

I'm so glad she found you.  Flashback to 2008 when we had both ingested a bottle of wine, and we're watching Grey's Anatomy.  We were yelling at the screen, "Why can't I find my McDreamy?!"  I lamented that 99% of people can make a loving committed relationship work, and here we are .5 and .5% sitting on the couch alone.  We're the statistical margin of error.

2016 Hinerman's wedding!

But now she has you.  And you have her.  And it's perfect.  You've both found the great love of your life.  And it's beautiful to witness.

Oh how jealous our high school selves would've been to know that Hinerman would end up with a cute upper class-man from Linsly!

I know you'll have great adventures together, and I can't wait to hear all about them.

I pray for you both love, laughter, and a happy ever after.  And I know you'll have it, because you have all that you need.  Because all you need is love.

To the bride and groom!

Germans Take Sundays and Speeding Seriously.

Things I've noticed as an American living in Germany:

1. Germans take Sundays and speeding, seriously.
On Sundays virtually all grocery stores are closed, all shopping centers, about half of the restaurants, and astonishingly even websites!

I personally love it.  It forces you to take a day and just relax.  Spend it with your family, and do nothing.  Companies in Germany have also introduced measures such as no emailing after work hours.  During vacations instead of coming back to 200 unread emails, you come back to ZERO.  All of your emails have bounced back to the sender because you were out.  As someone who just got an email at 0705 on a Saturday with tasks I need to do on Monday, I can tell you that sounds awesome!  http://time.com/3116424/daimler-vacation-email-out-of-office/ 

Now on to the speeding situation, they LOVE speed cameras.  They are EVERYWHERE.  Seriously.  It's a right of passage to get your first speed camera ticket.  It took 7 months for me to get one.  In that amount of time I have a friend who has received 7.
But it's not just the government that takes it seriously, it's the Germans themselves.

On one particular jaunt home from work, I came to find that the exit on a roundabout to my home was blocked for construction.  I had no idea how to get home.  My GPS just kept rerouting me back to the closed road. So, I was stuck.  I figured if I could just sort of attempt to go left I could get behind the blocked road.  I was frustrated and tired, and I'll fully admit - speeding.  As I rolled down a street at about 50K (residential areas are 30K), I ran into a dead-end and had to make a 5-point turn to get out.  Once I began heading back I had to slam on the brakes because in the middle of the road were two VERY angry German men shouting at me.  While I couldn't understand them, I could interpret the gist of what they were saying.  I rolled down my window, did the international sign for I have no idea what's going on (shrugged my shoulders with my hands in the air), and then said, "HELP, I'M LOST."  Immediately the one man's demeanor changed and he asked in stilted English, "You want to go where?"  HOME.  Then he really got a look of pity, like this poor girl doesn't even know how to get to her house.  He knew where I was trying to get to (because the type of neighborhood busy-body that yells at a speeder always know what's going on with construction in their 'hood), then gave me directions with lots of motioning of how to get home.  Thank you sir.

2. Rolladens are the bees' knees. 
These beauts block out all the sun so you can sleep in, or keep your non-air conditioned place cool in the summer, and warm in the winter, or keep the creepers out if you're worried about that.  You don't need blinds or curtains.  AND, if you're super cool like my apt, they're wireless.  When my first alarm goes off, I hit the rolladen button that's within arm's length to have some natural sunlight pour in, wait out another 1 or 2 snoozes and then wake up.

3. WWII Bombs are all over the place.
There are legitimately unexploded WWII bombs all over the place...like in the woods near base where we host 5ks.  No big deal.  No need to be alarmed.  It's only a 500 pounder, and they're evacuating to detonate it.
https://www.stripes.com/news/facilities-near-stuttgart-to-be-closed-for-wwii-bomb-disposal-1.498116

4. Eating at restaurants is an occasion, not a convenience. 
You can show up to a restaurant that looks abandoned with lots of tables open and be told they don't have room for you.  They're not lying.  Those tables are reserved.  When you make a reservation in Germany they reserve the table for the night.  Eating at a restaurant is an occasion, you wine, you dine, you dessert or coffee.  You enjoy the company of the people you're with.  There's rarely a phone in sight...or a waiter for that matter.  They don't disturb you.  They let you relax.  There's no constant refills, or giving you the check.  You have to flag someone down and ask for all of the above.  I LOVE IT.  My friend and I went out for dinner and dined for 4 hours.  We legitimately weren't bothered by anyone for the last 2.  We just talked.  It was delightful.  Now I know it's different than America because the wait staff actually make a reasonable wage here and therefore don't need to turnover the table to get more tips.  The fact that they pay their people well is just one more reason why I love it.

5. Everybody hikes.
You've got a baby?  Strap them on.  You've got bad knees?  Get a pole.  There's no excuse for not hiking.  I can't go a day without seeing someone with walking poles.  They enjoy it profusely.  Even now that it's cold, I saw two people walking with their poles.  Go on with your bad selves.

6. They trust every one to do the right thing.
I went on a hike where there was a shed built over a lil creek.  There were radlers (beer and lemonade mixed together, quite popular here and incredibly delicious in the summer!), and other beers in crates in the stream.  There was also some schnapps if that was your delight in the middle of your 5 mile hike.  There was a suggested pricing list, and a lock box.  Take your drink, drop in your money, and hope for the best.  It's the same with blumen fields.  There's gorgeous fields of flowers (or I saw pumpkins in the fall) ripe for the picking, and then a lock box for you to just drop in some money.  It's refreshing, and miraculously it works!

Self Love

A month ago we had our largest event of the year that made 4,000 military service members and their families happy.  It took a lot of long days of planning at work and then stressing at home.  When it came to the actual event, I was so busy checking on every volunteer asking if they needed a break, reminding them to put on sunscreen, and drink water, that I came down with heat exhaustion.  I gracefully puked into a cardboard box in a dugout and sat with bags of ice in my armpits.  Not one of my shining moments.

I also have not run consistently since I moved to Germany 7 months ago, yet I've been losing weight.  Because I've been eating like shit, not because I'm living a healthy lifestyle.

Luckily I have some really good friends who woke my ass up.  You can't take care of anyone else until you take care of you.  I am worth the time it takes to go for a run every day...okay every other day, and eat well balanced, healthy, full meals.

I am privileged to supervise 4 incredibly intelligent, strong, innovative women who selflessly accomplish incredible things for our military families every day. 

One day I overheard a conversation at the front desk talking about jeans fitting too tight, while another echoed wanting to lose some weight.  These amazing women that I respect were hating on themselves.  Right then and there I declared a new rule: no self-hate in the center. 

I had someone tell me this week that the photo of me posted in the center was "horrible," and that I should retake it immediately because I'm an attractive girl and that picture is awful.  I laughed it off, and told him he was an asshole.  I was also told I have a big nose.  I did reply to that one, WHAT?!  I HADN'T NOTICED THAT IN 32 YEARS, THANK GOD YOU HAD THE COURAGE TO TELL ME!!! (insert roll of eyes).

Coming face to face with every insecurity you've whispered to yourself while looking in a mirror being told to you by a man is debilitating.  I felt like shit. 

Then the first very next day I heard a new teammate say something awful about herself, and I immediately jumped into Mama Bear Mode.  Stop that!  We don't self-hate!  We are amazing women!

How could I so easily defend her, and not my own self?

You don't like my picture, then you don't have to look at it.  Does that picture or my appearance in any way affect my ability to do my job?  Hells to the no.

You're not "doing me a favor" by letting me know I can take a better picture.

But I am going to do myself a favor, and love me just a little bit harder.

This big-nosed, slow-running, un-photogenic woman is so much more than just those words, just watch me.