Recipe for Creating a Christmas Movie

Step 1. Take an attractive female who is too busy with:
A. Starting a business 
B. Trying to become partner
C. Being rich or royal
D. Being a single mom 
E. All of the above

Step 2. Have her meet an attractive man who is an asshole.  He is an asshole because:
A. His ex-wife cheated on him
B. His parents died too young
C. The “big city” was too rough on him
D. He’s a ghost
E. All of the above

Step 3. Have them meet. She will be busy being busy, and he will do something that infuriates her like:
A. Take the last scone at the coffee shop
B. Literally run into her and send her personal items flying
C. Get in her way to the taxi/airplane/train

Step 4. This will all take place in a town called:
A. Snow Fall
B. Angels Landing
C. Goose Creek
D. White People's Small Mountain Town

Step 5. Reveal that they will be forced to spend time together because DUN DUN DUN:
A. They are both working on the same big project for the town
B. They have to compete for a promotion
C. For a list of completely logic-less reasons they have to pretend to date

Step 6. Sprinkle in the wise old man character.  He or she will have known all along that the couple was meant to be together, but because they are old and lack entertainment in Small Mountain Town they will not tell anyone until the end and let the couple waste the entire movie trying to figure it out.  He or she is:
A. Santa
B. An angel
C. The town’s baker/pastor/diner owner/florist

Step 7. Throw in a best friend.  She will be:
A. Super self absorbed
B. Constantly clumsy
C. Too busy with multiple young children
D. A blissfully married Christian woman 

Step 8. Spice it up with some chemistry.  The main characters will show their growing affection by:

A. Good Christian Values Version: hard core eye contact and maybe a hand hold before the wedding 
B. Run of the Mill Hallmark Edition: a few short closed mouth kisses with a passionate embrace
C. Super Steamy Netflix PG Rating: some making out and a character alluding to sleeping over although all parties must remain fully clothed at all times and there is never a scene with a bed involved

Step 9. The Climax.  There will be a GIGANTIC misunderstanding between the main characters because he or she had to lie throughout the entire movie to hide that:
A. He or she did it
B. He or she didn’t do it
C. Someone thought he or she did it, but they really misheard and he or she didn’t
D. He or she had to trick everyone into thinking he or she did it to prove who really did it
E. He or she came here to Small Mountain Town to do it, but then had a change of heart and couldn’t do it

Step 10. The Happy Ending. Our destined couple will sort out the mess and confess their love because of:
A. An adorable small child
B. A randomly specific town Christmas tradition
C. A Christmas antique with magical powers
D. Wise old person (see Step 6)

Step 11. Epilogue.  Right before the credits play there will be a 30 second happy montage of the couple:
A. Toasting to New Years
B. Returning to the town with a new baby to take part in randomly specific Christmas tradition
C. Celebrating Christmas a year later in front a fire with old magical Christmas antique 

Lessons Learned in a Year Abroad

Just like my tattoo I got a year ago, I'm a lil worse for wear.  This experience has been difficult, but I'm still here.

Change is lawlessness.  I like laws.

I think that's why I love grammar so much.  There are rules, and I memorized them.

Study hard, you'll make good grades.  Be nice, and people will like you.  Move to a foreign country to work for the USO, and you'll love it and make best friends for life.

That last one tripped me up.  Germany is so utterly completely different than my experience in Afghanistan.  I thought I would instantly make friends, be a good boss, love my job and learn it quickly.  I have failed at each and every single one of those.

So, what have I learned after 1 year of leaving everyone I love, and a job that I excelled at, to plunge into a foreign country with no friends, and misplaced confidence in a new job?

1. Say yes.

It took me months, and months, and months to start saying "yes" to invitations.  I once had a boyfriend tell me he thought I was "really weird" when he first met me.  I have at least 2 other friends who have told me about how much they disliked me when they first met me.  I'm not great at first impressions.  Third impressions is when I really start to wow 'em.

Anyway, I didn't say yes to invitations.  Going with a buffer friend is easy, going by yourself with people you barely know somewhere is a little scary.

Go to the bouldering gym with acquaintances?  Say yes.  Fly to another part of Germany to see a band I have never heard of?  Say yes.  Put on a Facebook group that I'll be at a beer garden, and I'd really like to not go alone so would some other ladies come out?  Say yes.

Having the courage to say yes has opened me up to some beautiful new friendships.

2. There's a balance between boss, bitch, and best friend.

Many years ago I was sent to a center to help them during a staff transition.  The volunteers had been through a lot, so I wanted to be my bright, optimistic, open self.  They used my openness against me.  They went as far as to write a "review" to my superiors saying that I was inexperienced, young, naive, etc.

Moving to Germany for this position I knew I'd be supervising 4 people.  I will keep them at arm's length.  I will not open up.  They will use it against me.  People hate change.  It's instinctual.  If I want them to respect me, I need to be a strong leader.

Well, that backfired too.  Over whispers that weren't so quiet, I heard some of the most hurtful words I've ever heard said about me...that I didn't care, that I was just here for me to further my career, that I wasn't helpful to anyone, that I didn't understand military families.

It was awful.  I just wanted to go home and be with my friends who know me and love me.  Then I realized I hadn't given them a chance to know me.  By not opening up, all they were seeing was a new boss who made decisions, not a teammate who is trying to make the best choices for the military that she cares so deeply about.

There's a balance between bitch and best friend while you're being a boss.  As a woman it's insanely difficult to find the correct balance for yourself, and for your employees.  For me the answer was in being sincere to myself.  I'm a story-teller.  Sharing what I wanted to, and not divulging what I didn't want to, has worked for me.

3. More hugs and "love yous"

I can handle living alone.  I can spend an entire weekend reading a book, watching Netflix, and just being by myself.  But I can not handle not having a hug.  It just puts all the pieces back together sometimes.  I had a friend this summer who hugged me; I didn't let go immediately, so he didn't either.  It was absolute bliss that he just hugged me for as long as I needed it.

I say "love you" to my friends on the phone before we hang up.  I'm not sure when exactly it started, but it's important to me.  They're the longest relationships of my life other than my family.  I've known some of my friends for 27 years, and others I've lain in a ditch with during a rocket attack.  They mean so much to me, why would I not say, "love you, bye!"  I don't know why I didn't start this sooner.  It feels good.

4. You only fail when you stop trying.

Okay, so this one I can't take credit for.  I found it on Pinterest.  I have made many mistakes in this new position according to all the rules and regulations.  Any time the phone rang at work I cringed.  It was going to be something else I didn't do up to standard.  But I kept trying.  And I just tried to not make the same mistake twice.  So at least now when I mess up, it's in spectacularly new ways.

Shame is strong, and pride is powerful.

But persistence is a fantastic beast that teaches the fingers to tie shoes, the head to memorize multiplication tables, and the heart to keep trying even after its hurt.

(Those last two lines were all me...inspired by some Brene Brown.  She's amazing.)

5. I still love it.

A young private came into the center the other day, and I welcomed him, "Hi William!  How was your weekend, do anything fun?"  As he walked in to get a soda he told me he didn't go anywhere, but he had a good time.  He came back out a few minutes later, and he told me sincerely, "You know when you say hi to me it really means a lot.  Thank you."

I'm tearing up just thinking about it.  He's a 19 year-old soldier in a new unit in a new country, and because I learned his first name, he's happier than he was.  And he didn't know it, but by sharing that with me he made my day a thousand times better.  I was ready to give more and help more and do more because of what he said.

Literally, an agenda topic at our staff meeting last week was how to make our military and their family members happier.  Everything from learning our regulars' first names to making stronger coffee was discussed.  My job is to make other people's lives a little more fun and a little more joyful.  How could I not love that?

On this Valentine's Day...

I want to share a post about love.  Love between a husband and wife.  Love between two best friends.  And love that created an adorable curly haired baby who was born on Valentine's Day and became my best friend!

I was honored to be Hinerman's Maid of Honor for her wedding in fall of 2016.  I wrote this speech to honor the amazing human she is.  On this day of her birth, and traditionally a day to celebrate love, I want to share it with you.

2001-ish walking back from gym class in high school

Thank you to everyone who had a part in this day: the bridal party, the parents, the Oglebay staff, the family, and the friends.

We're all here because we love these crazy kids.  Katherine Fluty Hinerman Klug is a friend to many, a wife to one, and a roommate to a select few.  

If you have ever lived with Hinerman, please stand up.

(Carri, Steph, Christina, Wizba, Hinerman's parents, Hinerman's brother, and myself all stand).

2003-ish enjoying a virgin daiquiri at Oglebay 

If you enjoyed it and would voluntarily do it again, please stay standing.

(EVERY ONE SITS.)

Well this is awkward.  Good luck, Jon.

See the thing is, when we were roommates Hinerman tried to kill me...TWICE.

We call it the "String Cheese Incident" of 2008.  You see I moved out in July, and then months later in October when I visited I ate one of Hinerman's string cheeses.  I was then corrected, "you mean you ate one of YOUR string cheeses."  They had expired in June.

2006 WVU-Marshall Football Game

Then there's the "Bazooka Joe Incident."  Ferg bore witness to this one.  Hinerman has the God-given ability to make any house a home.  In college she did this with a 6-foot tall inflatable cactus with sunglasses, blue ornaments, and beads named Sanchez.  May he rest in peace.  When we roomed together she did this with seasonal pillows and decorations like pillar candles and live pine on the mantel for Christmas.  Upon giving a tour of our beautifully decorated apartment to Ferg, the pine caught on fire, and the mantel went up in flames!  I saved the day by blowing it out while Ferg and Hinerman ran for pots of water.  Thus earning my nickname of Bazooka Joe.  I like this story, because I get to be the hero in it.

But when she's not creating fires, she would literally walk through them for us.

She's simply the best.

She's generous with her time and love and makes you feel like a snowflake.  She gets that from her Momma, Wendall.

She has an undying quiet, "always be there at your best" and more importantly, at your worst, no matter what you've done, that she gets from her papa, Scoot.

2014 Hinerman's brother's wedding

She also has a biting wit that can burn you as badly as it makes you laugh that she shares with her brother, Wilma.

She has a pride in the people and places that have made her the incredible human being she is today.  She wants the best for every single one of us in this room.  She'll work tirelessly to get that for us.  By being on committees, and thinking of ideas on a Sunday night, and volunteering her time.  She gets that from her Grandmother Fluty.

Jon, I know that you know all of this already.  I know you love her fiercely.  Anyone who has the patience to teach her the difference between Mozart and Mount Olivet at the age of 31 when she's spent no less than 31 years living in Wheeling, deserves a medal.

I'm so glad she found you.  Flashback to 2008 when we had both ingested a bottle of wine, and we're watching Grey's Anatomy.  We were yelling at the screen, "Why can't I find my McDreamy?!"  I lamented that 99% of people can make a loving committed relationship work, and here we are .5 and .5% sitting on the couch alone.  We're the statistical margin of error.

2016 Hinerman's wedding!

But now she has you.  And you have her.  And it's perfect.  You've both found the great love of your life.  And it's beautiful to witness.

Oh how jealous our high school selves would've been to know that Hinerman would end up with a cute upper class-man from Linsly!

I know you'll have great adventures together, and I can't wait to hear all about them.

I pray for you both love, laughter, and a happy ever after.  And I know you'll have it, because you have all that you need.  Because all you need is love.

To the bride and groom!