18 November 2018

Recipe for Creating a Christmas Movie

Step 1. Take an attractive female who is too busy with:
A. Starting a business 
B. Trying to become partner
C. Being rich or royal
D. Being a single mom 
E. All of the above

Step 2. Have her meet an attractive man who is an asshole.  He is an asshole because:
A. His ex-wife cheated on him
B. His parents died too young
C. The “big city” was too rough on him
D. He’s a ghost
E. All of the above

Step 3. Have them meet. She will be busy being busy, and he will do something that infuriates her like:
A. Take the last scone at the coffee shop
B. Literally run into her and send her personal items flying
C. Get in her way to the taxi/airplane/train

Step 4. This will all take place in a town called:
A. Snow Fall
B. Angels Landing
C. Goose Creek
D. White People's Small Mountain Town








Step 5. Reveal that they will be forced to spend time together because DUN DUN DUN:
A. They are both working on the same big project for the town
B. They have to compete for a promotion
C. For a list of completely logic-less reasons they have to pretend to date

Step 6. Sprinkle in the wise old man character.  He or she will have known all along that the couple was meant to be together, but because they are old and lack entertainment in Small Mountain Town they will not tell anyone until the end and let the couple waste the entire movie trying to figure it out.  He or she is:
A. Santa
B. An angel
C. The town’s baker/pastor/diner owner/florist

Step 7. Throw in a best friend.  She will be:
A. Super self absorbed
B. Constantly clumsy
C. Too busy with multiple young children
D. A blissfully married Christian woman 

Step 8. Spice it up with some chemistry.  The main characters will show their growing affection by:
A. Good Christian Values Version: hard core eye contact and maybe a hand hold before the wedding 
B. Run of the Mill Hallmark Edition: a few short closed mouth kisses with a passionate embrace
C. Super Steamy Netflix PG Rating: some making out and a character alluding to sleeping over although all parties must remain fully clothed at all times and there is never a scene with a bed involved

Step 9. The Climax.  There will be a GIGANTIC misunderstanding between the main characters because he or she had to lie throughout the entire movie to hide that:
A. He or she did it
B. He or she didn’t do it
C. Someone thought he or she did it, but they really misheard and he or she didn’t
D. He or she had to trick everyone into thinking he or she did it to prove who really did it
E. He or she came here to Small Mountain Town to do it, but then had a change of heart and couldn’t do it

Step 10. The Happy Ending. Our destined couple will sort out the mess and confess their love because of:
A. An adorable small child
B. A randomly specific town Christmas tradition
C. A Christmas antique with magical powers
D. Wise old person (see Step 6)

Step 11. Epilogue.  Right before the credits play there will be a 30 second happy montage of the couple:
A. Toasting to New Years
B. Returning to the town with a new baby to take part in randomly specific Christmas tradition
C. Celebrating Christmas a year later in front a fire with old magical Christmas antique